“There is a man who really likes raping women. It gets him off, the power and control he has, as well as the fear in her eyes as she realizes yes, this is really going to happen. He enjoys doing this as often as he can. But he doesn’t want to go to jail for it, nor does he want people to ostracize him socially if they discover he’s a rapist. (If nothing else, that makes it harder to find new victims!) So he attacks drunk women. He may even ply them with alcohol to get them drunker. He does this for two reasons: 1) They are easier to overpower and 2) No one believes them because they were drinking. After the rape, if the victim says she was raped, all you have to do is refer to the Legend of the Accidental Rapist, and everyone will rally to support you while dismissing the victim for being a sloppy drunk and a hysterical bitch who is too hopped up on feminist horseshit to think properly. Even better, most victims know that’s how it will go down, so they probably won’t say anything at all, leaving you to keep raping without much interference.”—Amanda Marcotte, Rape Is Not an Accident (via victimblaming)
i’m not like other girls. actually, i’m nothing like other girls. and that girl u saw get on the bus earlier isn’t like other girls either. it’s surprising, really. it’s almost as if everybody is different from each other. holy shit
“When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you.”—Lemony Snicket (via ladymargaerytyrell)
I once had a guy tell me that I didn’t have to put up with misogynistic shit from other men. That I didn’t have to be nice about catcalling and being harassed on the street. That I was worth more than the way some people treated me. I once had a guy help me discover my power as a woman without being patronizing, and without acting like he knows better than woman on issues that affect women.
(submitted by anonymous)
Should he get a gold star for doing what any decent person should?
So yeah, ‘sexual freedom’ isn’t nearly a s important as other issues faced by women, like sex trafficking, domestic violence, ‘multiple jeopardy’ (Deborah King), etc. etc. But within a context where someone wants to bang dudes coz she’s horny then why the fuck not? Further shaming her into being a ‘bad’ sort of feminist, and telling her that her own sexual desires are defined by the patriarchy is a pretty phallo-centric way to look at it.
that gifset you posted from, american idol, i guess? where the contestant calls demi woman? i don't watch so i don't know if it was just mostly in his tone/attitude (which wouldn't surprise me, as he was clearly being a creep) but what do you think made her respond like that? what's offensive about being called 'woman'? unless the individual doesn't identify as such...i dunno. i guess i just wanted your thoughts on it. thanks for looking at my ponderance
To begin, I appreciate you asking instead of making assumptions. I wish more people when confused about what offends other people (myself included) stopped to ask the why of what triggers offense in others. :)
The reason, for me (and apparently Demi) to react so strongly to being addressed as “woman” comes in two parts.
1. It’s dismissive and condescending. People do not say “woman” with the same meaning as they say “man” when referencing people. Man can mean basically the same as “dude” or “bro” in casual slang. This is an equalizing, if casual manner of speech. When men say “woman” it does not use the same descriptive language. It is possessive. It is diminutive. By addressing her as “woman” he is saying “I am a person, and Simon is a person, and you are a person too buuuut and you are a woman and therefore we are not equals here. As a male, I have leverage over you.”
Woman in and of itself is a perfectly normal word and it is only in this type of context that it becomes a form of microaggression, a reminder of our place and status. There is no insult in making a gender identification, or as a descriptive word for those who identify as female, only in the use of this word to establish dominance by adding it to a conversation instead of talking to someone as a person.
The best comparison I can make is the “casual” use of the descriptive of boy by a white man in conversation with a black male. Boy is a word. Young male children are called boys. But when placed in the racial and historical context of dominance and prejudice, the phrase “What are you doing here, boy?” becomes something else entirely.
2. While some people ironically incorporate the use of woman into their consensual conversation with friends as a way of taking back the word (see Clueless for an excellent example) that is a choice for the individuals involved. This contestant was not at home with his friends. He was competing, and she was a judge. She was the power figure in this situation. For him to assume he had the right to speak to the judge, someone of higher “rank” on the show in this infuriatingly casual a manner and then refuse to apologize for it (adding a wink) is to show disrespect for someone who he should be on a please and thank you level with.
Men assuming that they have the right to talk to women, regardless of power structure, however they please, is infuriating for women attempting to be taken seriously. They also assume that women will be delighted by the attention and allow said man to behave as he likes. Any anger she shows is clearly a positive response, because look at what a handsome confident man I am.
And then there’s Simon who is straight up being an asshole because he doesn’t understand any of the things I have just explained.
“Intersectionality is an awkward word representing an important idea. While feminism is the belief that the rights of women are as inalienable as the rights of men, feminism, at its best, is so much more. No one assumes only one identity. We cannot consider the needs of women without also accounting for race, ethnicity, gender, citizenship, class, sexuality, ability and more. Such nuanced awareness, such intersectionality, is the marrow within the bones of feminism. Without it, feminism will fracture even further.”—
“When we look at thin bodies, we like thin bodies more. When we look at fat bodies, we like fat bodies more. If you hate or fear fat, and all you ever see is mainstream media full of thin bodies… Try a visual diet. Change what your eyes eat.”—